Uber Sue Dancer
by Margolo Blu
Summary: A midquel, Uber Sue is on vacation stalking Brooklyn. Answers some questions, raises so many others. Made on a caffiene binge. Shot Three


_Some rather random references here: Lion King, Princess Bride, and one Engrish quote. You might have to read Son of Uber Sue to get one of the scenes here. The Uber Sue's only two magical powers are talking very fast for a very long amount of time with many details and making existing female characters mysteriously disappear. This may be one of the most random and contradictory things you have ever read…forgive me (some parts, I couldn't help myself), and not making fun out of anyone here! This might fall into the category of "TOO MUCH", time, effort, humor, references, and then some, you decide. Dedicated to Calliope Foster, and Kudos to Apenamee on the sporks. _

**Uber Sue Dancer**

When you die, they say, all you can see is angels, or an angel, your angel, a beautiful being made just for you, surrounded by a frame of golden clouds, standing before you, beckoning you with her beauty. All Brooklyn could see was Angela, beautiful Angela, or at least her tail, beckoning him from the putrid, soy sauce tainted smoke of some Chinese Buffet restaurant. And he followed her, followed her into the amber light of some sky scraper, following her hopefully to heaven…their heaven, or the top of some random building.

Suddenly Angela disappeared, there was no scent of her in the air, no scream, no shout or cry for him, she was gone. Brooklyn stopped, wings flapping, perhaps she was shot down by the Quarrymen, maybe they had some new weapon, a gargoyle disintegrater, maybe one of Oberon's children decided to pull a trick on him, or Alexander was attempting a new spell. But why Angela?

Before Brooklyn couldfloat to the ground and gather the shattered pieces of his heart from the recesses of his chest and open his eyes to the city around him, the air before him opened up. The invisible space between him an office building opened up with a blue haze, cracking and buzzing.

"The Phoenix Gate," Brooklyn whispered in shock. "I have to tell Goliath, it has Angela! I've got to find her!"

He turned, his wings aching in the stress and desire and anticipation, the desire to find Angela and rescue her from whatever horrible era the Phoenix Gate tossed her into. He wanted to be her hero, her angel, her mate. But before Brooklyn could even flap his wings once, a brick wall hit him, a direct hit even worthy of a Steel Clan robot. It tackled him, arms around his waist, a tackle worthy of the NFL and a grip (and outfit) worthy of a WWF wrestler. It was only a millisecond, he had no time to respond to his assailant, to lash out. The only thing he heard before they both were flung into the portal was:

"MMMMYYYY BEEEEEEELOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVV"

_There was a brief flash of blue light and a crackle as portal closed around the two. _

"ED!"

_Seconds later:_

From nowhere Angela landed on the ground with a thump. She was quiet as she sat there, hands on the ground, pursing her lips as she looked around the alleyway. She curled up in a ball, wrapping her tail and arms around her knees and rocked back and forth.

From above, an elderly man stepped out onto his fire escape and looked at his bug zapper.

"That was one helluva of mosquito Matilda!"

_Somewhere in the past: _

Brooklyn tumbled out of the portal. His assailant tumbled after him, the portal making a weird crackling/choking sound. They rolled down a hill, through yellow green reeds, sending clouds of similarly colored butterflies fluttering for their lives (or crushed to all oblivion for the slower ones).

On the tumble he heard:

"MMMMYYY BEEEEE LOOOOOVVVVEEEE—"

With a THUNK she struck a tree trunk head on.

"ED."

Brooklyn managed to catch himself, turning on the ground to face his attacker. His wings opened up and his eyes flashed magnesium white. The tree shuttered with reverberations from the crash. For years now it will bear the dent and splintering wood where young girl-woman struck head first.

There was nothing but silence, no movement, nothing. Brooklyn sighed, his worry and fear taken over a by new sort of worry and fear. He let his wings and shoulders lax.

Like a sock puppet appearing from below the stage, the woman-child popped up, hands grasping each other, lapis lazuli blue eyes speckled with gold and silver veined white marble widen in love, and a muddy branch (plus several steam rolled butterflies) sticking out of her rosy auburn colored hair streaked with the light of a sunset, wavy and long (and full of just as much debris and wreakage) as the curving, crash waves of the ocean. A set of horns, mother of pearl in iridescence, and curving like the horns of an ibex (or a unicorn, a unibex) sat lopsided on her head. She twirked her headband, straightening the horns. From the corner of her mouth, she pulled out a chunk of grass and spit a beetle into the reeds.

"MY BELOVED!" she suddenly barked out, arms open in Brooklyn's direction.

"What the—" Brooklyn asked himself as she raced towards him, getting closer, and closer, before falling flat on her face. She picked herself up again, only two yards away from Brooklyn's clawed feet.

"My belov—"she fell flat on her face a second time as her shoes caught on the hem of her lengthy dress. From the dirt, "ED."

She quickly got back up, and opened her arms to Brooklyn. Dust stained her porcelain goddess, just cleaned with scrubbing bubbles white teeth coco powder brown. "Oh my beloved!"

She jumped the remaining six feet and wrapped her arms around a terrified Brooklyn in the process. Brooklyn froze as if he returned to his stone form and watched a centipede crawl through the dark coffee brown roots of her hair and disappeared into the golden-red waves of her locks.

"Oh my beloved Brooklyn!" she exclaimed. "I have search long for you! I was forced to leave my young daughter in the care of her father to come find you, to take you away to us, to make our family! But it appears the Phoenix Gate has plans for the two of us, and we must quantum leap through the pass and set everything right, all while trying to return home to our baby and create a new life for the two of us. Oh I shall worry about my baby **F**iona** R**aven **E**nchilada **N**ormajean** C**hinchilla** H**anover** F**illy** R**icotta** I**nez** E**d** D**ianna for the remainder of our trip. I pray she is well taken care of, and worries often when her mommy shall return to her while her father tells her that I will come home and that I will see to that and right the wrongs of the world as I break my butt to see my little girl!"

_Meanwhile, at the BPRD:_

Liz walked into the kitchen adorned in Hellboy's old t-shirt. She leaned up on her demon lover, putting her arms around his bull neck as he leaned over a skillet cooking breakfast.

"What's for breakfast Red?" she cooed into his ear.

"Eggs and hash browns," he answered, scraping the bottom of the iron skillet with the metal spatula.

_Meanwhile, back in a somewhere that eerily resembles the hill Simba and Nala rolled down,_

"Oh my beloved Brooklyn! I must get back to her!" the girl-child-woman thing cried, "to my beloved child!"

Brooklyn pushed the girl-child-woman thing away. "WHO ARE YOU! Did Xanatos send you?"

"Xanatos? My daddy? No he did not send me," she said. "My heart sent me to find you! It led me to you!"

_And a Stalking for Dummies book…_

"Xanatos is your father?"

"Yes! I am his child, his and Fox's, a daughter of Titania, Queen of the Faes, the third Race. I **G**ertrude** E**nid **T**heresa** O**carina** N**unbun** W**ichita** I**slebluedolphins** T**anis** H**athor** I**sa** T**angerine Exclamationpoint Xanatos, was born of weak disposition, so weak from the strong fae blood and magic that coursed through my delicate veins, that I nearly passed away at birth, but to keep me alive to find a cure, Xanatos had me frozen away in a tube, while he and Fox went on to raise my twin brother Alexander, they continually looked back at the tube I was frozen in with worry and hope to save me, hoping for a cure which came in the form of a Dr. Anton Sevarius who combined my sleeping form with the DNA of a gargoyle and mutate, the genetic material of his first and very beloved experiment that was a combination of his beloved and dead wife who he attempted to save by combining her genes with a jaguarondi but she died shortly afterwards and he felt that he could save and me by using her genetic material, strong and powerful genes which saved my fragile body and gave me new life and the ability to fly like a gargoyle, but not change into the stone during the day with the grace and ability to swim like an otter cat and use very powerful magic, so powerful magic that Xanatos sent me away to Hogwarts to learn more magic, but I was hunted down by Lord Voldemort—"

At that the tree Gertrude struck, fell down.

"and forced to leave my school to keep my lovers Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy alive and safe, but while I escaped from the grips of Lord Voldemort—"

Somewhere in the distance there was a crash as an 18 wheeler wrecked into a Taco Bell sending patrons scrambling for their lives from a tidal wave of refried beans and salsa.

"I lost my arm as I escaped, and upon returning home, it was rebuilt using cybernetics, upon which I joined a group formally known as the Pack, where I joined under the name Endangered West African Wild Dog, but later changed that to Dole, the mercenary for hire formally known as Endangered West African Wild Dog, I later left the pack and went out on my own, I came across the Phoenix Gate which sent me backin time, to you my beloved who I heard great tales of from my father! HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

Brooklyn was climbing into a time portal, the Phoenix Gate he snatched off of Gertrude during her tirade in his hand. He glanced over his shoulder and quickly dove into the portal, Gertrude AKA Dole, AKA the mercenary for hire formally known as the Endangered West African Wild Dog, dove after him as the portal closed up.

The portal opened up somewhere in the times of Camelot, King Arthur, and the idea of anarcho-syndicalist communes were just forming, King Arthur was sitting near some bushes and blooming shrubbery, talking to Patrick, his loyal squire over some exotic fruit.

"Aye sir, its milk is quite sweet and its flesh can last many months and is quite delicious when toasted and shredded and sprinkled over tiny cakes baked individually in a cup," he said. "And look, when you bang two together they sound very much like the hoof falls of a horse."

"Ah, yes, Sir Patrick, we could use these coconuts to fool our enemies in believing that there are many to our force," King Arthur exclaimed.

"ARRRRGGGGHHH!" Brooklyn exclaimed as he ran through the forest, Gertrude a little farther behind him.

"Why are you running from me? All your luv are belong to Gertrude!" she exclaimed.

From the bark of an ancient elm tree, Gertrude pulled the rusty handle of a massive, bejeweled spork, moonstones and onyx dotted its handle and midget tines, curving dragons and unicorns were carved into its handle, and dried bits of Lucky Charm marshmallows stuck to its tines and spoony depression.

"Do not run from me my beloved! We cannot return to my daughter if you do!" she cried out waving the spork in the air.

"Your lordship, she has removed the Spork in the Elm! What does that mean?" Patrick asked.

"It means she is Uber Sue of the Mary Sues, the greatest of them all," King Arthur answered. "The Once and future Uber Sue."

"Should we follow her, your majesty?"

"Nah."

Somewhere in the distance another portal opened up and Brooklyn bolted into it, Gertrude, the once and future Uber Sue jumped in after him.

Through time periods she raced after him, with little disregard of what her actions could cause in the future. Gertrude accidentally stepped on a ground squirrel near Pompeii. Somewhere in the future, the green slime forming on the clones mysteriously disappeared and the clones felt much better and shook it off as a cold, and Thailog planned his new attack. In the Taj Mahal, Gertrude threw a quarter in the fountain. In 1997 the plans for the 101 Dalmatians cartoon series mysteriously caught on fire. And for some random reason, Goliath came up to Elisa and told her he loved her, and she wondered what had gotten in to him.

_Sometime in the future, right after Brooklyn was pushed—fell—into the time portal:_

Angela sat in the alley, quaking until Broadway landed beside her.

"Angela, what is wrong?" he asked, draping a wing over her shoulders.

"I lost Brooklyn, he just disappeared like that," she cried.

"Oh Angela, we'll find him, I promise," Broadway said. "Until then I'll keep you safe."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

_Meanwhile…_

"MY BELOVED BROOKLYN! Come back! You can't runaway from the arms of love!" Gertrude exclaimed as she chased after him. "We were meant to be together, I saw it in Titania's mirror! We complete each other! I need you to protect me! Stop running!"

Brooklyn stopped as he came to the Great Wall of China. He prepared to leap over it just as Gertrude wrecked into him, sending them both into another time portal. Gertrude was in his arms, her delicate hands wrapped around his neck.

"Oh my beloved! Together at last!" she exclaimed as they were pulled through the time stream.

Another portal opened up beside them, Brooklyn picked up Gertrude, welding her like a groomwith his newly married bride and carried to the portal.

"Oh my beloved!" she exclaimed, "all is forgiven!"

Brooklyn did not answer but instead, dropped her from the portal onto the sandy ground of some island. He grabbed the sides of the portal and pulled it shut.

Gertrude remained on the sandy beach.

"Oh my beloved!" she cried. "Fate has pulled us apart! But we will be together! Just watch my beloved, our love is timeless! Oh, hello!"

Up on the beach among the sea grass and dunes, minotaurs, Cyclops, centaurs, and numerous other creatures that matched the many stuff animals that filled the closet and drawers of Gertrude, albeit not as creepy looking. They glared down upon her, angry and hateful.

"HUMAN!" a man with fire hair exclaimed.

Gertrude stood up, waving her cybernetic arm at the mob of creatures.

"Hello! I am Gertrude Enid Theresa—"

"MARY SUE!" another strange creature roared and pointed.

"GET HER! WE CAN'T LET HER ESCAPE!" the angry mob screamed, raising pitchforks and torches in the air.

"GET HER TECHNOLOGY! WE CAN USE IT TO PROTECT OUR CITY FROM HUMANS!"

Gertrude screeched and raced down the beach head, the angry mob of the Old Olympians fast on her tail.


End file.
